My latest jam...

Some days you just have to stick your middle finger up at all those 'seasonal eating' goodie-two-shoes and go summery. So these are raspberry and coconut cupcakes, complete with hidden surprise.

OMFG secret jam centres! Which depending on how you look at it does a good impression of an open wound or is the perfect way to ruin a new white t-shirt. I like to think the coconut butter cream and toasted coconut flakes make it a little prettier and keep it fenced in, but I ate mine in my pyjamas and like stern horror, so jam spillage/jellied blood aesthetics wasn't really an issue.

If you want to make them yourselves the recipe was adapted from one in The Primrose Bakery Book.

The Pink Monster

When it's someone's birthday, and that someone let you live in their home with their awesome dog and their nice boyfriend and made out like it was no big deal, you need to really go for it with their birthday cake. And so The Pink Monster was born.

At least that's what I started calling it at first, but it sounded just a little bit too much like a particularly brutal sex toy. Same for Pinkzilla, and the Pink Revenge. Eventually it just seemed best to call it Gem's birthday cake.

It only baked it in two 20cm tins, but once they were stacked on top of each other a smeared with a healthy layer of white chocolate buttercream it took on an intimidating air. And I'd made it *so* pink it also looked like a prop cake for a kid's film. Which I consider a good thing, obviously.

Failed porn name aside, it was a success, and Gem loved it, and I figure if I ever get divorced and end up temporarily homeless again then I've bought myself some more spare room time.

Jack and Coke to go

Some people, people who probably kick puppies for fun and throw bricks through old ladies' windows, think cupcakes are sissy. Those people have never had home-made Jack Daniels and coke cupcake. I mean, if you're running away from zombies you need your alcohol to be portable and full of carbs, right?*

Sure, they look innocent enough, all glossy chocolate icing and dense chocolate cake, but put in enough bourbon and people will bite in to them, then look at you like they've been shot. Which is my favourite of all the cake reaction looks.

Full disclosure - you're only meant to put the Jack Daniels in the icing, but when the cakes (made with coca cola and chocolate, so super moist) first come out of the oven I drizzle a bit of booze over them. Most of it evaporates, but it leaves just enough flavour to make people think you're trying to cake rape them.

Oh, you are? Then skip the jelly sweet on top and just stick a couple of rohypnol there instead. I've found it works much better.











*Don't look at me like that. I've got a theme and I'm going to stick with it.

Attack of the robot baker

Basically if they give this thing boobs I am out of a job.

That's right, some genius has invented a baking robot that uses lasers to mix and cut cookies. It's a project from a team at MIT, who surely should be building some sort of ozone layer fixing bot, or an android that can go to weddings for you.

If you're not freaked out enough, there's video evidence below. At least they gave him a jaunty hat.

Totally nailed

If you like burgers and/or brightly coloured fingertips then meet Burgers and Nails

First up, it's pure food porn, burgers from all over the world, snapped indecently close up and oozing cheese. Secondly, each one is held by disembodied but somehow still kind of sexy hands with cute paint jobs. Some are girls, some are boys, half the time you can't tell the difference without checking the caption.

Arty, trashy *and* a tiny bit metrosexual, what's not to love?

The burger of doom

As well as vampires, the size of my own breasts and Apple products, I'm also pretty obsessive about burgers. Sure, I'm as happy as the next diabetes candidate to sink my teeth into a quarter pounder with cheese, but my heart really lies with a posh patty.

The best I've ever had? A "Third Burger" from Hawksmoor that featured their special beef and bone marrow mix and some juicy pulled pork. This was my attempt to recreate that magic. A burger from the Heston range at Waitrose (damn fine), some Swiss cheese, a little shallot, a little tomato, some pulled pork... and a home made bun.

That's right, my own friggin' bun. Hand baked from a recipe over at Smitten Kitchen. Part bread, part brioche, it makes the house smell about 2000 times posher than it actually is and forms a solid base for even the juiciest of burgers. I've always thought people got a bit too precious about the joy of baking your own bread, but it really is crazy satisfying.

End-of-the-world noodle soup

Simple to make no matter how crappy your day was, right from stubbed toe crappy to zombie apocalypse crappy. Easy to eat in front of the TV. Needs minimal, if any, shopping, and is much faster to make than oven pizza (but slightly longer than toast).

You will need:

• Noodles. Any noodles. (Super Noodles, Chinese supermarket ramen, or my favourite, buckwheat soba noodles) Soup base (cheat with stock, miso soup paste, the little packet that comes with your ramen) 
• Bits (garlic, spring onion, mushrooms, bacon, prawns, chicken, or in the event of the end of days a couple of slices of the fat kid you killed on day 19) 
• Flavourings (honey, soy sauce, chilli flakes, so you can make it sweeter, saltier, hotter) I use them medicinally whether I'm hungover, sick with flu, starving, heartbroken, or angry. For a zombie bite I'd recommend adding some Dettol.