The Pink Monster

When it's someone's birthday, and that someone let you live in their home with their awesome dog and their nice boyfriend and made out like it was no big deal, you need to really go for it with their birthday cake. And so The Pink Monster was born.

At least that's what I started calling it at first, but it sounded just a little bit too much like a particularly brutal sex toy. Same for Pinkzilla, and the Pink Revenge. Eventually it just seemed best to call it Gem's birthday cake.

It only baked it in two 20cm tins, but once they were stacked on top of each other a smeared with a healthy layer of white chocolate buttercream it took on an intimidating air. And I'd made it *so* pink it also looked like a prop cake for a kid's film. Which I consider a good thing, obviously.

Failed porn name aside, it was a success, and Gem loved it, and I figure if I ever get divorced and end up temporarily homeless again then I've bought myself some more spare room time.

Jack and Coke to go

Some people, people who probably kick puppies for fun and throw bricks through old ladies' windows, think cupcakes are sissy. Those people have never had home-made Jack Daniels and coke cupcake. I mean, if you're running away from zombies you need your alcohol to be portable and full of carbs, right?*

Sure, they look innocent enough, all glossy chocolate icing and dense chocolate cake, but put in enough bourbon and people will bite in to them, then look at you like they've been shot. Which is my favourite of all the cake reaction looks.

Full disclosure - you're only meant to put the Jack Daniels in the icing, but when the cakes (made with coca cola and chocolate, so super moist) first come out of the oven I drizzle a bit of booze over them. Most of it evaporates, but it leaves just enough flavour to make people think you're trying to cake rape them.

Oh, you are? Then skip the jelly sweet on top and just stick a couple of rohypnol there instead. I've found it works much better.











*Don't look at me like that. I've got a theme and I'm going to stick with it.